January 22, 2014

Admission Wednesday: Yoga and A Bunch of Wedding Feelings

I admit... I tweaked my shoulder from doing too many chaturangas this week. I go too far down, to where my shoulders are lower than my elbows, which is apparently terrible technique. In class yesterday, a teacher I had never taken before took the time to show us how to correctly perform the chaturanga dandasana, which is to only go so far down as to where your elbows are in line with your shoulders, then push up to updog without touching the floor. I had always been going all the way down, touching the floor, and then lifting everything for updog. Totally wrong technique!!

This is my current state:
An icepack under the robe :(
I admit... I am absolutely dreading addressing all these Save The Dates that arrived yesterday. Even though I said yesterday that I was excited to get this done... I mean, who really wants to address these things all day?

I admit... I'm also at a total loss as to who to send these to. My mom says to send them to people who we really want to come to the wedding, and family. I mean.. okay. That's our whole invite list. Why would we invite anyone we wouldn't really want to be there? JW says to just start addressing and seeing where we end up. I'm just worried that I'm going to screw something up and offend somebody.

Soooo many to address...
I admit... I'm getting frustrated about my bachelorette party. We're planning a getaway to La Jolla, CA to tour some wineries there and generally just have a little mini vacation in March. I sent out a feeler e-mail to all of my 15 prospective guests to see if that would be something they would be able to do money-wise, and most of them responded with enthusiasm that they couldn't wait and it sounded awesome. So my sister and I went ahead and rented a house to cut down on hotel costs (of course that's dependent on how many people come)... and now I've only gotten 5 Yes RSVP's. All the other responses have been no, for money issues. This would have been okay if people hadn't initially said that they were totally excited to go! Now the house is going to be twice as expensive for the people that can go.... Ugh. /rant

I admit... I sound really whiny sometimes. I promise I'm so grateful for the friends that are willing to fly to another state to meet me and celebrate me becoming a Mrs. I'm so grateful that I have that opportunity as well. I really am extremely understanding of all my other friends that can't come because of other obligations or money issues... I promise I understand, I do. Even though I'm admitting to a feeling of frustration over things I can't control (because that's really the issue here), that doesn't mean that it's merited. Just being honest.

A building being demolished outside our apartment today. Random but oddly relevant... metaphor for being honest and chipping away at my "tough" exterior??

I admit... I don't feel very much like a ~*Bride*~. Maybe no bride really does? But I feel like everything is super stressful and I'm freaking out about everything and I have to go out of my way to get things done. Aren't things supposed to be done... for me? It sounds completely selfish but I mean, just like birthdays, this is the only time in my life I can be really, really selfish and picky and everybody understands. Maybe it's because I don't have a wedding planner (who wants to pay for that?!), but lots of responsibilities are being placed on my shoulders, where I feel like they shouldn't be. I don't mean to discredit my mom and my sister - they are doing so much for me and I am so grateful - but.. I don't know. There's a general feeling of stress and worry that I'm carrying that probably won't go away until after the wedding is over, that I feel should not be there.

Chocolate, the ultimate healer (Chocolate Martini from Dilettante in Seattle)
I admit... I want to care about the wedding day, and I want it to be perfect. But the amount of effort, planning, and money it would take to make it "perfect" makes me want to not care about the wedding. And then I get a little depressed about it - because, isn't this time in my life supposed to be magical and what I've always been dreaming about since I was a little girl? Shouldn't every aspect of it be meticulous? Shouldn't I bask in the engagement phase and treasure this time? Well, if I'm supposed to, I'm not - I'm just anxious for it to be over, really. I feel isolated out here, so far away from my family as well as where the wedding will take place, and I feel so displaced sometimes.

Seattle: Wet Streets and Sunlight (go figure)
I admit... Despite all of the above, I am happy, and I am in love with the best and most supportive man I have ever known, and I cannot wait to call him my husband.

Silly guy.
Trying to end on a positive note.. got any wedding planning advice?? :)

Previous Admission Wednesdays:

January 15: Yoga and Pain


  1. I'm totally with you! I originally wanted to have my bachelorette party in Vegas and told everyone over a year ago so they could start saving and now that it's time to start booking, there are a few of my bridesmaids who now can't afford it so I've had to cancel Vegas, decrease the amount of days and move it to Seattle since the wedding is there and will just be easier for everyone.

    My stepmom also told me she was going to plan a bridal shower for me over Christmas when I was back home, and that didn't happen so now my brother's girlfriend was sweet enough to start planning it and have it a few days before the wedding which I wanted to avoid since everyone will already be spending alot at that point for the wedding.

    I'm really feeling like things should be getting done for me, but I just have to keep doing and planning everything just to make sure it gets done unfortunately :-/

    1. Yikes, I understand about the engagement planning...it's frustrating but what can you do? And especially about trying to plan a shower from another state! I don't think it'll be too much to have a shower so soon before the wedding - I'm having my second one a week before the wedding and I haven't heard any complaints about it. Can't get anything done unless you do it yourself, right? :/

  2. Hugs! As a newlywed, I remember those times of all the excitement and the things to do. But, trust me, at the end of the day all that matters is the marriage. Hope you enjoy this time!

    1. Aww, thanks Lindsey! I'm trying my best to enjoy myself, but at times it just all seems so overwhelming. One day at a time, right? :)