20 Miles: Rain and Roosters

I would have started this post with, "I did it! I ran 20 miles!" but for some reason I'm really feeling the negativity today. In my mind, I just barely completed the 20 miles... barely... I had to stop at mile 6, mile 10 (halfway point), mile 14, and mile 16, and had to force myself not to stop from miles 16-20. This is the first run that this thought has run (hah) through my head: "I hate running. Why am I doing this?" Also, it rained. The ENTIRE. time.

Before: Scared. Taken around 5:30am. 

Maybe it's because I'm in the middle of a run of a show that's physically demanding and mentally exhausting. Maybe it's because I had a busy week, with my mom visiting. Maybe it's because I did all my lower mileage runs on the treadmill. Maybe it's because I didn't do any NTC workouts this week. Maybe the universe was like, "Too much positivity! RUN IN THE RAIN FOR 3 HOURS AND FEEL MY WRATH."

Middle: Done with it. After 10 miles of running. But I was 10 miles away from my car...

Animal count: 2 bunnies, COUNTLESS slugs, and 2 roosters (??!?). They were just hanging out on the side of the trail. One of them even ...called? Cock-a-doodle-doo-ed? as I passed. I wondered if my bright pink shirt looked like the coming of the sun to them but I was too freaked out by fowl on the side of the road that I didn't think about it too much.

Stock photo of a white rooster. You're welcome.

During the run, I listened to my music for the first time in a while - I've been really liking listening to my audiobook, but it's certainly not making me any faster. I'm not sure if the songs that came up (I have it on shuffle) were slow, or if I just really wasn't feeling it, but I wasn't getting any motivation from my music, either. I only felt it once while I listened to Thrift Shop. That song is awesome, y'all. Seattle represent.

Somewhat pretty scenery... when it wasn't raining.

Because I didn't have exciting music, my mind started wandering. The topics it came up with weren't very awesome. Thoughts of my warm bed came floating to my mind, and a shower, and "Why am I doing this?" was also present. But also my mind decided to take me through every embarrassment, every wrong decision, every fight -- SUPER negative. What was wrong with me today??

End: I LOOK BEAUTIFUL.

Ugh. How am I going to complete 26.2 if I can barely complete 20??? I'm so, so, SO nervous now. :(

So much red. :(

I guess it was pretty cool that Miles 10-12 were the exact same pace? All I can say is I've eliminated every expectation for the marathon and now I just hope I finish.. whatever time that may be. Ack.

Words of encouragement?